Walking with Rachel (Rachel) - Beach House - Griselda/Rachel

Rachel looked at her "Why should you be sorry?" with a raised eye brow and a nod to her. "It's quite alright. Like I said things shouldn't be forced they should flow and just be natural - if it's not then it's not meant to be." with a nod to her.

She reached over to slide her small hand into Rachel's.

"I know. I know what you said. But I didn't think and now I've hurt you. And I don't want to do that."

"Rai I've hurt myself much worse recently and well I'm just tired at the moment in many ways." with a look away from her "Not knowing who you are or where you fit in anymore gets draining." with a soft chuckle "So college student here I go."

She squeezed the blonde's hand.

"And I've done nothing but make it worse. Which is why I'm sorry."

"No you haven't you've just given me back something that had been taken away and I am not sure where I fit in anymore. I don't know how others handle hitting a century." she whispered softly.

She smiled at that.

"It's not easy. It really isn't easy, for a ghoul or for a Kindred. I just wish that I could be better for you."

"I think knowing I'm doing something that makes you happy and helps me finish this last hurdle should be good. It's just I feel like a detached buoy at the moment." with a shy smile at her.

She smiled and squeezed her hand again.

"How about we try to fix that?"

"I think part of it is I've been told what to do for a chunk of time that you not telling me what to do makes me feel like I am failing you and I don't want to, but I know you want me to be me and help when you call." with a sigh and squeeze of Rai's hand. "But I'm not really sure who or what I am anymore but I'm trying I am."

She nodded.

"What's happened to make you feel like you don't know who you are anymore? Is it because of me?"

"It's alot of things, two really great guys in the past couple of years, a really rotten guy and just not use to not being able to help. Fighting my own reflexes as you tell me to trust you when I want to keep you safe and from harm. I know I'm wee but it's there in me to do so for you." with a glance at her. "So being told - go get a degree and live a little is just a complete 180 and well I'm like a cat out of a cage but at times missing that cage - then I kick myself and go no this is better." with a shy smile at her again.

She nodded, squeezing Rachel's hand again.

"I'll try to be better about letting you do things for me. It is better than what you've dealt with before, I don't want you to feel so lost and alone, though."

"I think I should get use to it Rai, you really don't need me. You like to help others, so I feel like a "project" at times, but it's one that is out of hobby and time that you wish to relax. BUT as you even stated you're always working." with a playful smile at her. "So it's just a not wanting to add stress to you but knowing much her is so not what it seems." she said softly and sadly.

She sighed softly.

"I'm sorry that I'm so busy. I really am. I wish I wasn't, but I'm kind-of in high-demand."

"I know that but I'd love to help take some of it away, but I know I can't. Does that make sense it's frustrating knowing I can't help you." with a sad smile at her. "But I know if you had time you'd be around more."

She smiled.

"It matters. It matters that you care so much. I just wish I knew how to make some of the crazy die down."

"That would be you saying no, and I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon." with a soft chuckle and squeeze of her hand. "Because that's not you."

She laughed softly.

"I say no a lot. Just not when it's a matter of domain safety."

"Which since we live on a hell mouth is always going on." with a wink at her as she made a Buffy joke hoping Rai followed.

Have you met Scion? Of course she followed -- and laughed.

"You're not the first one who has said that we live on a hellmouth."

"No I haven't." she said looking at Rai with a warm smile and soft chuckle. "But I think we do I really do."

She smiled at that.

"I wouldn't be surprised. Though I really want to find out what a hellmouth actually is."

"Rumored to be a place like the gates to hades." with a nod to her as her mythology studies shined through.

She smiled at that.

"Understood. The thing is, I'm not so sure that it is. I think it's just that it's weird because most things couldn't live here before."

"Then I wonder what's changed? Did the unique things that settled here - are you a light house calling out to the others?" with a glance and a thought to her words.